I've been making a mental list of things that men do that just don't impress me. In other words, the things listed below do not make you appear any better to me, they don't make me pay more attention to you, they don't get you any points.

1. "Look at me!" behavior. For example, blasting loud music from your car. This is very 1992. It's PLAYED OUT. It's obnoxious and arrogant, the rest of the world does not  need to hear how "shawty has a fat a**", or how you want to "bump and grind" (yes, someone turned up their R. Kelly playlist when they rode by me on my way to work last week). Sure, this is going to get my attention, but not in the way you would like. Unsexy. Very unsexy.

2. Status symbols. Things such as nice cars, fancy titles (Dr., Esquire, Prince, King...whatever you choose to call yourself), don't impress me either. As much as I love to see a black man that can engage in an intellectual conversation, they can also be very misleading...and condescending and elitist...and I could go on. I once dated a guy with three degrees...and while I have tried so hard to refrain from slandering his name....he was probably one of the CRAZIEST mofo's I've ever met in my life.

3. Money or fame. I don't care if you starred in a movie, I don't care if you're about to get drafted to the Celtics (I would have said Lakers, but I really can't stand Kobe Bryant), and I don't care if you're the heir to the Bronner Brothers fortune. Money nor fame do not cover up a crappy personality, although for a lot of women it completely blinds them and makes them overlook things that really shouldn't be ignored, such as abuse, whorish behavior, and a lot of times themselves (ex. Vanessa Bryant). No man is coming before my education or anything else that's going to help me better myself, I don't care how much money or fame he has.  At least go get a G.E.D Vanessa, do something for yourself.

4. "Good looks". If you're one of those guys that pretty much every woman thinks looks good/fine/cute, etc...still not impressive to me. For some reason dudes tend to think that if they look good then they don't have to bring anything else to the table (a lot of women do that too I've heard). And this is probably because of the same women I spoke about in #3. Good looks blind a lot of women and they allow good looking men to get away with a lot of crap. Oh, and don't let him be good- looking, rich, and famous (ie. Will Demps or Braylon Edwards) -- he could be the Devil and a lot of women would still be after him. Not this chick.

The problem I've run into (in the past, not currently ) is that some men feel that certain external attributes automatically propels them to "good" black man status, and whatever woman they're dating at the time should feel like the luckiest woman in the world and she should grovel at his feet and do ANYTHING to keep him around and put up with all of his bs because he is just SO hard to find. All I have to say to men that think like that is...STFU and like Ice Tea said to Soulja Boy...eat a...yeah, you get what I'm sayin'. There are good black men out there, I have been convinced of that ( ) and I truly believe that, but just because you're smart, have a car, have your own place, and have money does not automatically make you a good black man or someone worthy of my time.

No free passes here.

EDIT 8/7/08: According to a non-reliable source (Wikipedia), Vanessa Bryant did eventually finish high school, through some type of home program...good for her.

I haven't done this "random" thing in quite some time...so bear with me, it might be a little lengthy...

*I don't care if you don't like my hair. And by "you" I mean all of those who don't like it. I really don't care. Dang, that felt nice.

*I begin law school in less than a month. WTH??? I could have sworn yesterday it was 1991 and I was 6 years old, holding my Mama's hand as she walked with me into my Kindergarten class room on my first day, my Aunt Rosie behind her with her hand held camera...where has the time gone??

*Beyonce...Lil Wayne...aka Mrs. Super-Overrated and Mr. Super-Ugly, and I hardly ever use the word "ugly", because it's just so harsh. I don't know what the heck the big deal is with either one. MEN (yes, even for Lil Wayne) and WOMEN  go crazy over these two.

*I vote we overrate Will Demps of the Houston Texans. Who's with me?!

 I mean, I'd take him plastered on the cover of every mag over Lil Wayne or Beyonce ANY day. Wouldn't you?

*Maybe Vandy will do promo pics like that one next year...lol j/k

*I love Total. The cereal AND the '90's R&B girl group. Can I get a bowl, some milk and a reunion, please? Thanks.

*The high today was 97. Oh you betcha I nearly passed out on my 30 minute walk to work...at 8am.

*I just killed a bug. I don't know what the heck it is, but it isn't a roach. It moves fast. And it's the 5th one of it's kind that I've killed in the past week. This is becoming a mega problem. It's time to get real.

*Speaking of bugs, some of them just won't die. And I mean that figuratively. I'm happy, I'm enjoying this current situation greatly, you had your chance now leave me the hell alone. How you just gonna pop up out of the blue after 6 months of ignoring me and blow my phone up with texts and phone calls?? Haven't you noticed that I don't answer back or pick up the phone?? I'M HAPPY! You blew it, and I'll be damned if I ruin what I have now for someone who treated me like doo-doo.

*My hair is growing. At first I had this buzz cut look going on because it was so short, but now it's curling up.

*The other day my friend and I were watching YouTube videos of cow slaughters, live tiger feeds, and wild pig hunts. I ate my last portion of frozen hamburger meat today before the guilt sets in...I mean, I couldn't let it go to waste, that pack cost me like 7 dollars.

I did it!!!! I finally cut my hair to start off my movement to natural hair! And I LOVE it!

The decision to cut it was kind of swift. As most of you know I've been contemplating it for some time, but while I was at home this weekend I all of a sudden decided to just go ahead and do it and not wait. I don't plan on keeping it cut this low, I would like to let it grow out, because I envision myself having this MASSIVE 'fro someday lol. I decided to cut it off because I didn't feel like transitioning and dealing with braids and stuff like that.

I've gotten mixed reviews:

"Why did you do that?! Don't you want long, flowing hair down your back?"
"Oh wow. I see."
"I commend you for going through with it."
"Go girl! I love it!"
"It looks great on you! Not everyone can wear a cut like that."
"What made you want to do that?"

...and my favorite comment: "I'm in your corner. I'll walk around with you like it's the best thing since sliced bread."

And then you have the people who don't say anything...they just glance up at it slyly and start off with a random subject...which I assume means they don't like it. Who cares? Not me.

It's amazing to me the hangups that people have about hair. If you like relaxers then hey, do you, I'm not going to knock you for it, but don't try to make me feel like a freak because I want natural hair: It's my NATURAL hair, it's the way I was born! People can say some very ugly, biased things about natural or short hair (even when it's relaxed). I haven't gotten any really nasty comments yet (I have gotten some stares though), but I'm preparing myself for it. Maybe I should take my Honesty Box down on Facebook because that's probably where the first one will surface lol. I just don't want to hear that mess, and you saying that you don't like my hair is not going to make it grow any faster or straighten out. Sooo...don't waste your time :)

By the way, I feel like a bad ass with this hair cut...kinda like

 ...Demi Moore in G.I. Jane

...Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3

...Grace Jones ("Strange" from Boomerang lol)

I'm having way too much fun with this lol.

I know, I know, it sounds like the title for a Lifetime movie, but it is slowly becoming real life for me.

One day last week I was walking to work, as I do most mornings. As I was about to cross the street, a Metro police car whips out of a parking lot next to me and stops directly in my pathway so that I can't cross the street. I thought to myself, either I've jaywalked or he's gonna try to spit game. Since I'm a very law abiding pedestrian, I figured he was going to try and make a move. And what do ya know? He does...

Officer: I can't let you cross the street.
Me: Why not??
Officer: Because you look too good (biting his lip, and looking at me from head to toe)

The whole conversation is giving me the CREEPS just thinking about it. So this officer proceeds to pull over to the sidewalk, obstructing traffic. Cars are having to make this awfully weird turn to get around him...total ABUSE of authority. He asks the general questions, what's your name, how old are you, are you in school, blah blah blah. I should have told him I was 17 and that he looked old enough to be my daddy. Even though I'm 22, he STILL looked old enough to be my daddy! He probably has a kid my age. But anyway, he then starts talking about how he's going to seminary school and then he proceeds to pull out his Bible and give a 20 minute sermon. I love the Lord, but it was HOT! Finally, he lets me go on my merry little way to work. I thought the creepiness would end there...

This morning I was doing my daily walk around the block, which is what I do for exercise. I put on my gym clothes and I walk around the block for about 30-45 minutes a few days out of the week. Everything was going great UNTIL I saw a Metro police car pass by me on the street. Considering what happened last week, I cringe everytime I see a police car, hoping to God it isn't Officer Creepo. Apparently the prayer hotline was off the hook this morning because the police car does a freakin' U-TURN in the road and pulls into a parking lot as I am about to pass in front of it. As soon as it did that I knew it only had to be one person and one person only in that car. And guess who gets out of the car?

You guessed it, Officer Creepo.

When I exercise in the mornings, I don't wash my face or brush my teeth, I just go outside and start walking. The reason I do this is in hope that if I run into a man on the street that he will immediately catch a whiff of my morning breath and a glimpse of my crusty eyes and cease all attempts at trying to spit game. Apparently Officer Creepo has a strong stomach, because even after fair warning of my dragon breath, he does not leave me alone!

Me: I'm standing far back because I haven't brushed my teeth (placing my hand over my mouth and trying to ease my way away from him).
Officer: I don't care what your breath smells like (grabs my wrist to pull my hand down)!
Me (thinking): No the heck this negro didn't just grab me?!

Officer Creepo has OFFICIALLY crossed the LINE. At first I was like ok this guy is strange, but now he scares me. I don't like people I don't know being all up in my personal space and I ESPECIALLY don't like them grabbing me, I don't care if he was playing around. I couldn't have yanked away or hit him or anything because he is a POLICE OFFICER. I've been taught to respect law enforcement and that you are supposed to do whatever a police officer asks of you.The only reason I participated in the conversation was because I was scared NOT to. If he had been a plains clothes person, I would have kindly kept walking both times because I don't play around with strange men and cars...Kidnapping 101. What's so disturbing about all of this is that he was ON DUTY both times. Doing U-turns in the road and obstructing intersections for non-emergency things is abuse of power. A plain clothes person couldn't have done what he did. To me, that shows that he thinks that he can get away with things that regular people can't, and that's what scares me. What will he do next?? He has already grabbed me!

One of my sociology professors once told the class that it is sometimes difficult to deal with people who work in law enforcement because they don't know how to separate work from everyday life. Wherever they are and whatever they're doing they operate as if they're still at work, expecting people to do as they tell them to. I saw this behavior in this officer. Even though he was trying to make a move he was still acting like a police officer. He was very forceful, aggressive, and in my face. He expected me to stand there and listen to him talk.

Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know. I just can't help feeling scared. Maybe I need to find a different way to work, but there are only so many ways to get to the Medical Center. I'm just dreading the next time I run into him...

I'm currently reading Terry McMillan's Waiting to Exhale, and although it is considered "fiction", this book holds a lot of truth. I find it funny that even when I'm reading leisurely I always use my college study skills such as highlighting, underlining, and any other way to mark passages and quotes that stand out to me lol. Anyway, here are a few quotes and passages that really spoke to me...

"It was amazing to her how some women could be so stupid. They make up all kinds of excuses for a man after he's treated them like dirt; apologize for his revolting behavior; and take him back after he's broken their f***ing hearts...This is supposed to be the way to live your life with a man?" (168).
*Boy, have I made some lame excuses for some of the men I've dated! Excuses are a form of denial, that's all there is to it. I'm starting to realize that if I find myself excusing a certain behavior all of the time, then something is wrong with that behavior. I made excuses for the guy that smoked weed everyday; I made excuses for the guy that thought it was funny to make me feel inferior; I made excuses for the guy that would go a whole month without calling me. 

"When you told him you wanted to cut your hair, he told you he would leave you if you ever came walking in here with it short." (30)
*'Don't let anyone see the back of your head." (referring to the lower portion of my neck). A guy I dated definitely once told me that in public. Ok, so maybe my hair wasn't bone straight in the back, but what he said was rude as hell regardless. He was also the one that told me that he didn't want me to cut my hair any shorter than it was. But he wasn't the only one that criticized my hair, there was another that often made snide comments about my hair. My response: if my hair style bothers you so much, then YOU get it fixed. Thanks.

"'Yo Mama' and other such phrases are not only a sign of poor upbringing, they're tacky and downright insulting, and if I had any guts, I'd love to say, 'Do I look like your mama?'" (17).
*Lol, this definitely should have been included in my post titled "How Not to Get a Woman's Attention". I have a name, please take the time to learn my name and use it often.

"And what about Sam and Arthur and a few others, who were 'recreational' drug users but couldn't do anything unless they did a few lines or smoked a joint first?" (13).
*Addiction is a sad, sad, sad condition. And people try to argue that weed isn't addictive?! I dated a guy that couldn't function without it. He didn't know how to think on his own. It was disgusting. And he was awfully rude and mean when he wanted to smoke, but didn't have any weed on  hand.

"Now that I think about it, Kenneth is probably the reason why I expect so much of men. When I was with him, he treated me like a lady. Once you get used to being treated so well, you can't go back to bullshit." (206)
*This is my favorite quote so far in the book! This quote sums up how I feel right now. The friendship that I have developed over the past few weeks has significantly changed my viewpoint on men, dating, etc. I've never felt more respected and more valued by a man than I do right now. He's a great guy and he treats me wonderfully! I am truly thankful that I met him and was allowed to spend time with him. Because of the example he has set, I cannot go back to the bs.

I'm not done with the book yet, so maybe I'll have another entry or two of quotes...

Isn't this fierce?! I love it! And yes, for those that don't know, that really is Whitney Houston in the pic...

This is the style (if you can call it that) that I have in mind...I'm seriously contemplating it. Any thoughts?

I guess the central message in all of these scenarios is how NOT to look like a predator...

1. Rolling up beside her in your car. So you see a nice looking woman that you don't know walking down the street and you cannot resist the urge to say something to her. Remember those key tips your parents or teachers taught you in elementary school about how to avoid being kidnapped? I STILL REMEMBER THOSE! And I put them into practice EVERYDAY. So when a strange man (key word, complete stranger) I've never talked to or seen in my life rolls up beside me, trying to spit game through his car window, this is what I'm reminded of. Don't get offended if I ignore you and keep walking...I'm just trying to avoid getting stuffed in your trunk ok? I don't know how else you're going to get my attention, but this is only going to scare me.

2. Construction Worker Syndrome. We all know that construction workers are notorious for yelling obscenities and whistling at women who pass by. Unfortunately for women who walk frequently, we've discovered that this syndrome has reached the general male population, it no longer infects just construction workers. The problem with this syndrome is that it is disrespectful and tasteless and it will not get you any further with the passing by woman. Whether you're yelling from a crane at the top of a 3 story building or from you're car window, letting the world know that I have a "fat ass" is not going to make me like you.

3. Unwelcome touching. If I could sue for sexual harassment in the club, I'd be RICH. Forget law school, I could make a living off of suing dudes that touch my booty in the club. This doesn't really include dancing, although I've danced with some dudes that just took it a bit too far with their hands. Guys, there is a LINE in the club that shouldn't be crossed. Just because it's crowded and dark does not give you permission to touch my butt or boobs or any other portion of my body that you wouldn't touch in a well lit public setting. It's not cute, it's not funny. There are so many other ways to get my attention. If you touch me inappropriately be prepared to be cursed out or hit.

Guys, if it's something that you wouldn't want to happen to your mother, sister, or daughter I suggest you avoid this behavior, especially if you're trying to get MY attention.